Are we living in the Age of Loneliness?
In a 2023 81-page report from the Office of the Surgeon General, titled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” the United States Surgeon General stated, “…we are now finding that one in two adults report measurable levels of loneliness.”
- What is the Age of Loneliness?
- What does it have to do with self-romance and embracing your sexuality in your 60s and beyond?
- What are the detrimental effects loneliness and isolation have on the well-being of women and men in their 60s and over?
In this second of a three-part article, we will answer these questions as we delve deeper into how to engage in self-romance to create a renewed sense of purpose, self-worth, and happiness in your 60s and beyond.
This article and the accompanying video are the sixth of a new, 10-part exclusive series for Sixty and Me readers titled “Improve Your Lifestyle After 60 by Boosting Your Sexual Confidence.”
The Effects of Loneliness and Isolation
Despite the fact we are more connected than ever to information and to other people via the Internet and social media, society is experiencing an Age of Loneliness.
According to the Office of the Surgeon General, loneliness is linked to various health concerns. By all accounts, this epidemic appears to be striking at the very heart of people who are in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and over.
One specific health issue that social isolation is known to amplify is advanced stages of depression. This hits hardest among society’s aging population. Loneliness has also been attributed to increasing the risk of death by nearly 30 percent.
But here’s what that 81-page report by the Office of the Surgeon General doesn’t say:
- That emptiness you’re feeling inside isn’t simply from loneliness.
- It’s from ignoring the one thing that is calling out to you now more than ever… YOUR DREAMS & DESIRES!
From a Breakdown to a Breakthrough
I am living proof that one of the most effective methods for overcoming loneliness and depression is not only listening more intently to your dreams and desires, but engaging in self-love and self-romance practices.
After the death of my beloved husband, Joe, I couldn’t visualize my dreams because I honestly felt my own life was over. The idea of any form of self-pleasure or self-romance was the furthest thing from my mind. I couldn’t even look in the mirror without seeing sadness.
One thing I did continue doing was my daily journaling. But even that had taken a dark turn. Instead of exploring my dreams and desires, I journaled on topics such as:
- “My best days are behind me.”
- “This is how it ends.”
- “Accept loneliness and embrace my decline.”
I honestly thought I was being realistic for a widowed woman in her 70s. Worst of all is that for a time I accepted my decline as both true and unchangeable.
After months of battling depression, loneliness, and self-doubt, something shifted. I stopped avoiding life without Joe, and I started to see the breakthroughs in the breakdowns.
In the stillness of my mind and within the silence of solitude, I could hear my dreams and desires speaking to me.
Remember Your Dreams
Prior to entering hospice, Joe wrote “Remember Your Dreams” on a picture of himself. He signed it with a loving note and gave it to me.
It had been months since I looked at the photo. One day, as I was clearing out cluttered items in my office, I rediscovered that signed photo of Joe in a box I had stored it in.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I took in his handsome smile. I re-read his loving note to me “Remember Your dreams.” Something I had not realized before instantly became clear as day.
Joe wasn’t telling me to keep dreaming the same dreams he and I shared. He was giving me permission to dream NEW ones. Dreams that honored our love but weren’t imprisoned by loss.
Just as your ideal lifestyle today may be different from what it once was, dreams and desires will change over the years. Your dreams and desires to live a fulfilling lifestyle after 60, never fade away. They are waiting for you to claim them.
Romance the Most Important Person in Your Life
We have been conditioned by society to believe that love, romance, and pleasure are experiences that must be given by someone else. This belief has left many people over 60 disconnected from their own capacity for love and intimacy.
This disconnection leads to issues of self-worth, which becomes a slippery slope into the pain of loneliness, isolation, people-pleasing, and unworthiness.
When Joe died, I couldn’t fathom who could love me the way he did. I often wondered who would be there to cheer me on when and where I needed it most. His death, however, reminded me of something I had temporarily forgotten.
True love is not outside of me; it is within me.
Therefore, before you go try and build a relationship with other people, be it romantically or friendly, you will want to improve the relationship you have with the most important person in your life, which is you.
Next Steps
Where do you begin self-love practices and romancing yourself after 60? The answer is healing from the trauma of people pleasing. People pleasing is the one epidemic few are talking about, but it is as destructive as any. We will explore what people pleasing is and how to break free from it in our next article and video.
For now, I invite you to join me in the video, where I share my 3 Steps for Healing Loneliness Through Self-Romance.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see sadness or a confident person? Do you see compromise or living your dreams?
