I’m putting it out there. I am having issues with growing old. They say there are certain age bands when you feel the process of aging. Right now, at age 61, I am currently in one of those bands.
I recently had dinner with a former colleague turned friend. We have known each other for 34 years (gasp). Of course, we spoke about our time at our former employer and what it was like to embark on a professional career as a single woman in our 20s. I can’t help but wish I could return to that energetic, ambitious woman from the 1980s and bottle up just a little bit of the excitement, energy, and outlook my younger self had in abundance.
How did I get this old so fast? That is a question I constantly ask myself. I have no rational answer. All I can say is that age creeps up on you and you have very little control. Being a control freak, I have a problem with this. I try to regulate everything, but there are just some things you can’t, and aging is at the top of that list.
Aging Is a Privilege, But…
Yes, I know growing older is a privilege. Trust me, I know. My mother died in her early 60s, and I am trying really hard to outlive her age. I keep my mind and body active, but what is truly frustrating to me is my mind and body don’t want to be as active as I would like them to be. That’s the hard truth about aging.
I do a variety of exercise: dance, strength train, stretch, run. Most disheartening for me is that what I was capable of accomplishing just a couple of years ago, is not what I am able to accomplish now. My pace has slowed, my stamina has decreased, certain dance steps don’t come to me as easily as they used to, and let’s not even discuss remembering things, or lack thereof. I know I have to accept these changes and listen to my body when it is telling me to stop. But, boy, do I hate that feeling.
There are so many people on social media discussing how to age gracefully, and how 60 is the new 30. (This includes pieces I have written myself.) But today, I call bull shit and I thought it was about time I penned a piece to dig a little deeper into the psyche of aging. Underneath taking all the vitamins, walking the correct number of steps, and doing all the things a middle-aged woman is supposed to do; there is a person who longs to feel better. That’s what I want to talk about here.
The Truth About Aging
I admit that I found my 50th birthday very liberating. It was as though a switch went on that gave me confidence and I started to really focus on what makes ME tick. Along with this newfound freedom, there was also a side of me that began to struggle with physical activity. I became slower, less limber, etc., particularly toward my late 50s, early 60s. I grew tired more easily and couldn’t quite keep pace with the activities I had been enjoying. This was the first time when I realized, “Ah… this is what aging must feel like.”
Yes, indeed, this is what aging feels like. While it’s not all doom and gloom, it can be a real challenge and it’s time we started talking about it. So, here goes…
Let’s Talk About It
Walking into a room and forgetting why you are there is common, as is weight gain, vaginal dryness, dwindling energy, thinning hair, and crepey skin. And, that’s just the start. Insomnia, hot flashes, a decrease in bone density, are a few more lovely qualities in a long list of physical signs. Trust me, growing old as a female is not for the faint of heart.
For some reason, this harsh change in physicality somehow gets buried under all the beautiful images of women in their 60s enjoying their “autumn years”; a tag line that makes it feel like you are easily transitioning from one season to the other, the leaves are pretty, and all is tranquil with the world.
I am a half-glass-full kind of gal, and there are some things about growing older that is pretty nifty: no more monthly periods, a sense of liberation, senior discounts, a focus on YOUR needs, and a general sense of not caring what others think. However, there is a sense of loss of your younger self, and it is okay to mourn for that young lady.
What I have found intriguing is that while one is focusing more on themselves in these later years, when asked “how are you,” we aging women tend to talk about the accomplishments of our children and grandchildren. When did WE stop achieving things on our own?
We Don’t Become Invisible
As women, we have a tendency to put others’ needs ahead of our own and, while it is true that as we have gotten older, we are focusing more on ourselves than we used to, it is still in the context that others take priority. We often hear about the “sandwich” generation – caught between raising children and taking care of our parents. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for us! This has to change and the picture of aging needs to change as well.
Admittedly, I didn’t realize there were going to be all these fluctuations and complications when I entered my golden years. None of the advertisements and lifestyle magazines mentioned this, nor did my high school health teacher. It was this rude awakening that made me realize more discussion must take place amongst women, for women.
Our physical and emotional changes shouldn’t be a mystery. In truth, maybe if I was better informed, I wouldn’t have such an issue with growing older; and the title of this essay would be something completely different. I hope this can be a start of a conversation so women in the future will view aging as just another part of the journey for which you prepare. Just as our teenage selves prepared for puberty, we should be aware of all the transformations that we will be experiencing as we enter our menopausal years. I’m advocating for less mystery and more knowledge. After all, knowledge is power.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Were you prepared for menopausal changes? How do you generally feel about aging? How can we better educate young women about what is ahead?
