When I was newly retired several years ago, I created a website for those rookies in my cohort, so they could benefit from my experiences transitioning to a new stage of life. On that website, I included a definition of retirement, which felt quite tongue and cheek at the time: “to withdraw to a place of safety and seclusion.”
At the tender age of 65, my goals in retirement were emphatically not to withdraw anywhere! I was in my raging Go-Go stage. At that time, I embraced the new terms for retirement: Third Act, Second Chapter, Encore Life, ReWirement, and Life 2.0. I was not a devotee of seclusion and withdrawal, but, at the age of 73, I am!
Definitions of Retirement
Most accepted definitions of retirement include the cessation of “work.” Retirement usually alludes to the period of life after full-time work. Some other definitions include withdrawing from one’s “position,” possible ill health, and a particular number of birthdays!
Prior to the late 19th century, the concept of retirement didn’t even exist. Low life expectancy, and a lack of pre-organized financial resources had our poor ancestors working until death! (Yes, I know. In our modern society, unfortunately, some folks are still in that position.) All these definitions sound somewhat grim, but I am now a big fan.
Why Do I Embrace the Concept of Withdrawal?
Because a rookie retiree has exited so recently from the world of work, she has not yet had time to experience the benefits of withdrawing from public life. Bountiful opportunities lie ahead. These include stress reduction, personal autonomy in daily decision-making, and a rapid decline in schedules and obligations. There is also the possibility of a larger identity beyond social status to be discovered outside a job title.
Looming ahead are opportunities to focus on private interests and important relationships and self-discovery – all at one’s own pace. Health priorities, living one’s core values, and the appreciation of peace and quiet are all now possible.
What Have I Retired FROM?
In thecourt of public opinion, I’ve retired from what others think, my former roles, being evaluated, feeling like I’m under constant surveillance, and all aspects of striving.
Although I’ve finally been released from the need to embrace new technologies, deadlines and schedules, unfortunately, my psyche has not. In the work realm, I’ve happily retired from worrying about my reputation, being a victim of gossip or gaslighting, and needing to compete. To find out why these behaviors have such a long shelf life, I wrote a piece on my website entitled Work Nightmares, where you can find a full explanation of why you might be having nightmares peopled by the coworkers you left so many years ago. I know I just had one the other evening!
My more successful retirement withdrawals compose a colossal sub-category related to public opinion. I’ve fully retired from personally inflicted rules for appearance.In this category I have withdrawn from the idea that anyone remembers what I wore yesterday… or ever! The days of valuing beauty over utility are now in the rearview mirror, especially if they manifest in uncomfortable shoes and pants! Finally, I now exist as a complete human being without wearing make-up. My proof is that no one in the grocery store has, as yet, gasped in horror.
Additional prickly issues from which I’ve withdrawn in the “what others think” category include needing to be accepted, giving up values to be a team member, being an unequal partner in relationships, and needing to be the one who always reaches out first.
For me, the withdrawals I’ve made from the mind-set category are the most life affirming. My personal “trash can” includes self-criticism, putting myself last, thinking things I can purchase will make me happy, and excessive neatness. I no longer need to be stuck in a bad situation, lack spontaneity, or do everything myself. I’ve permanently retired from extreme planning and preparation, and the habit of constantly jamming too much into too little time.
My final “withdrawal from” categories are felt daily. My physical self has retired from overdoing things, running on empty and not being mindful when eating. I also no longer think there is any type of perfection to be achieved at this age in the realm of physical appearance through modern science. In the big picture, I now feel like part of the natural world, not a prisoner of the limited physical world I used to inhabit.
What Have I Retired TO?
Please don’t think I’ve become a recluse. My Go-Go M.O. is still in my DNA! I willingly stand on the prevailing four pillars of retirement: health, family, purpose and finances. The fact is that the withdrawal from all the depleting behaviors which were required pre-retirement have enabled me to stand more firmly.
I’ve retired to more soothing routines, realistic family relationships, supportive friendships, a healthy marriage and a healthy body, time for reading and writing, classical music, plants, animals, beauty and peace. Those are the types of things that become available, after one has taken an inventory of what behaviors can be “retired.”
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you ever felt ashamed of retirement? What have you withdrawn from at this stage in life? What have you retired to?
